Letters From Home
by Aro the Purple Demon
Summary: Fred is dead and George is depressed. Fred is determined to stop his brother from joining him in the Afterlife, so he sent a letter from the dead, striking up a chain of letters from Fred to George to Ginny to Molly to Harry and everyone else.
1. George

_Earth_

_The Burrow_  
_World of the Living_

_Dear George,_

_I'm dead. By now, you should know this unless you're dead yourself, in denial (not Egypt), in a coma, out of the loop, or just an idiot. I'm tempted to go with __that last option._

_Well, there's not really much to say. Oh, wait. There is._

_**One:** Get out of our room. You're a Beater, dammit! Keep up your physique! Every time some one looks at you, they'll remember me, US. Don't let our __memories become something painful to think about. It's not fair to you or me._

_**Two:** Say something. What happened to Mr. Chatterbox? As I recall (unless that blow to the head killed me /and/ jarred my mind) you never shut up. Not __even when you were asleep. Do you know how hard is was to sleep through that? Obviously **not** because **I** don't talk in my sleep. **NOT ONCE!**_

_**Three:** Stop trying to join me. Snape's here. That should explain everything. Now that we have an eternity to spend together, he's absolutely overjoyed._

_(Note, my dear brother, that was sarcasm.) He looks so funny with angel wings. I sent you a picture with this letter._

_Anyways, so **not** hoping to see you soon._

_Dead Fred,_  
_Yeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhh!_

* * *

_Afterlife_

_Wherever the Dead Go_

_Dear Fred,_

_You complete ARSE! How dare **you** lecture **me** after **you** died! And I'm not an idiot!_

_**One:** It's **my** body! I can dance naked in the Ministry if I want. You are **not** Mum. I'd be scared if you were._

_**Two:** I do **not** talk in my sleep. YOU SNORE! Stop lecturing me, dammit!_

_**Three:** Torture Snape! You've got endless time to prank him. Find Sirius. He'll help._

_Thanks for the picture._

_Live George,_  
_Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaawr!_


	2. Percy

Dear Percy,

It's me! (That's Fred in case you didn't know!) Now, there's a lot I've got to tell you, so read closely. You're an idiot.

You gotta quit blaming yourself. I was - _**am**_ - a big boy! I can tie my shoes, count to ten, and take care of myself. I'm not a living little kid anymore. Okay?

Another thing. Get a girl! Siriusly (yes, I used the pun), if you don't get a move on you'll be the only guy without kids (though I'm betting that position goes to Charlie). At this rate, you're gonna be worse than Ron, who took **_seven years_** to get Hermione.

Well, I'm glad you're back with the family. Prats are not a fun sort. Which is why I'm glad you can still joke. I thought all the fun got sucked outta you.

Fresh in the Dead,  
Fred

Yeeeeeeeaaaaah!

* * *

Dear Fred,

I would ask '_how are you_', but that seems a bit thick, seeing as you are dead. Also, couldn't you find more to put into a letter? Your spelling and all the pointless insertations are taking away from the contents of a letter. All of this proves that I am not the idiot. That title is yours and shall always be yours. Unless George has a child like you.

I do not blame myself **_that_** much. I know you have matured enough to take care of yourself, even if it isn't by much. After seeing your store and all the products you made, I feel I must congradulate you on your sucess. But I do ask, why didn't you put this to use with your OWLs?

Your use of puns and dead people (no offense intended) is horrible. That joke has been used too many times according to Mum and Dad. Just so you know, I am dating a wonderful girl named Audrey! Charlie has announced that he will never marry, due to the fact his dragons come first and foremost in life, right behind family. I am slightly regretful that Ronald finally started a relationship with Hermione. I can't walk into a single room without coming across them in the middle of snogging.

I am glad to be back with the family, though it would be much more joyful with you there.

Your brother,  
Percival

* * *

Dear Percy the Prefect,

Just like you to give me a spelling lesson, isn't it? And just so you know, I enjoy being childish! It's more fun than being an old man! Thanks for the complients on the store, though. Tell that to George, he could use a boost of happiness. Sirius gave me permisson to use the joke! According to him, it never gets old. Tell George he owes me five Galleons and just because I'm dead doesn't mean he's out of paying! Also, let Ron know I'm not ready to be an uncle yet, though, that's kinda out of my hands with Bill and Fleur.

Fresh from the Dead,  
Fred

Yeeeeeeaaaaah!

* * *

An:

- Hey, **agapplesauce**! Thanks for Author Alerting, Story Alerting, and Story and Author Favoriting!  
- **physics chick**, thanks for Story Alerting!  
- Thanks for Story Alerting, **Teddy bear cullen**!  
- **yugioh5D'srulz**, thanks for Favoriting!  
- Thanks for Favoriting, **Scarhead62**!  
- Hey **Silvertounge's Daughter**! Thanks for Story Alerting, Author Alerting, Reviewing and Favoriting! Yes, we're back! Glad you like it! We don't plan on stopping anytime soon. :D  
- **ffanfiction**, thanks for Story Alerting, the Review and Favoriting! Glad you think it's interesting!  
- **rozepoze2000**, thanks for the review! Glad it's cute! :)  
- Thanks for the Review, **Weird Shmeird**! Sad George is not something anyone likes. :(


	3. Ron

Dear Ronnie,

Great job on getting the girl, but get a grip and stop snogging everytime you're alone! It's freakishly disturbing and quite frankly, I'm surprised that Hermione lets you do that. Come to think of it, have you wondered why she has so much snogging expierience? (_**coughKrumcough**_) Just saying mate. Maybe she didn't spend so much time in the library like you thought.

Anyways, in case Perce didn't pass on the message, **_NO NEPHEWS OR NIECES_** from you. Well, sometime in the future. Fine then, **_ONE_** niece and _**ONE**_ nephew from you. But you're stuck watching Ginny and Harry. Tell them I'm watching them. All the time. I don't need to sleep. At all. Tell them that.

Oh, and another thing. Glad to know you're helping around the shop. Can't have you being boring like Percy or old Snapie. Promise me one thing though: _**STOP EATING ALL THE PRODUCTS!**_ If you eat one more sweet I will come back from the dead and beat your everloving mind out of that thick skull of yours! And that'll take some time!

Hm, ith that said, there's not much more to say, so. . . _**BYE**_~! :P

Red and Dead  
Fred

Yeeeeeeaaaaah!

* * *

Fred,

You're an idiot for dying. I'm holding that against you, just so you know! And just what are you saying about Hermione? Krum's long gone by now, I made sure of that! And besides, it's **_Hermione_**! Where else would she go besides the library? Just so you know, I'll have as many kids as I want! I've also put Harry-Repelling spells on Ginny's room. That's definetally taken care of so Hah! I'm smarter than you. And I'm not eating everything. I stay away from the Skiving Snackboxes and those Lickable Darkmarks. Another thing, I'm not thick headed!

Cooler than Thou  
Ron

* * *

Ickle-Ronniekins,

Have fun with the goats! (_A/N: In case you didn't get that, a baby goat is called a kid._)

Red and Dead

Fred

* * *

A/N: Sorry this took so long, we were a bit busy. Who should Fred write to next?

- **you go girl** - thanks for Author Alerting! Thanks!  
- **Weird Shmeird** - thanks for Story Alerting! Thank you!  
- **luna-lovegood-fan** - thanks for Favoriting and Story Alerting!  
- **Lady Sabine of Macayhill** - thanks for Story Alerting and Favoriting!  
- **agapplesauce** - sorry this took so long, but we'll never abandon a story, though it may take us a while to update.  
- **sxcsami** - glad you like it! Sirius is just too awesome to leave out! :)  
- **Silvertounge's Daughter** - he really is, but we felt so bad for him when Fred died.  
- **rozepoze2000** - ah, we haven't even seen the first part! [pouts] Glad you love it!


	4. AN

This story has been discontinued for the time being due to a major edit of all our stories and a general rewriting of all of our stuff.


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